


Porn Lies

by Luces



Series: South Park Kink Meme [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Clyde gets fed up, College, Friends With Benefits, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Kenny critiques porn, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Porn, Porn Watching, SP Kink Meme, clenny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 15:56:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14168379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luces/pseuds/Luces
Summary: Two friends spending a Friday night watching porn and jerking off together. That's totally normal friendship behavior, right?AKA in which Clyde gets pissed at Kenny for mocking the porn and tells him that if he's such an expert, he should prove it. Kenny takes him up on the offer.Written for the South Park Kink Meme (found on tumblr)





	Porn Lies

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a request in the SP kink meme on tumblr (https://southparkkinkmeme.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Request prompt: don't know if this could be called a kink but i'd really love to see kenny mocking the porn/hentai he's watching (either because of blatant factual or technical mistakes like how the moans sound nothing like moans) while masturbating with (character of choice i ain't picky) to the point where said person gets annoyed and asks kenny to show him how it's done. and kenny gladly demonstrates.
> 
> I chose Clyde as his partner because I'm Clenny obsessed and also he just seems like the one who would watch porn with Kenny. ^^()

The knock at the door startled Clyde, even though he had been expecting it.

"Just come in, dude! The door's unlocked!"

He finished drying the dishes he had been washing and put them away. The guest at the door knocked again. Clyde let out a noise of frustration as he walked over and opened his apartment door. Kenny's smiling face greeted him. His hands were shoved into his parka's pockets. He slowly rocked back and forth on his feet.

"Dude. How many times have I told you that you can just come in? You really don't need to knock," said Clyde. He stepped aside to let Kenny enter.

"Yeah I know. I'm always gonna knock, though. Like what if you were with some hot chick right now? Would you really want me barging in while you're banging?"

Clyde let out a small laugh. "If I was with a woman right now, you'd have been the first to know and I would've cancelled our weekly porn date."

Clyde and Kenny were two of the only people from their graduating class who were still stuck in South Park. This was not on purpose. While everyone else managed to get into some four year college program or join the military, Kenny had aimed for the much more affordable Park County Community College. Clyde had actually managed to get into Colorado State University, but had failed out after a semester, returning to South Park with a cloud of shame and failure hanging over his head. He immediately applied to the community college, and it was during the spring semester that the two of them had run into each other on campus. They grabbed a coffee together, caught up on each other's lives, and by the end of the day, both realized that they finally had a local friend who they could confide in. That was a lot to say in this town that felt a whole lot smaller than it had when they were children. After months of hanging out, they had become closer than they'd ever been.

One Friday night, they found themselves together at Kenny's apartment and bored out of their minds. Typically, one or both of them was involved with someone at any given time, so it was a rare occurrence when they were both single and dateless. They had been throwing out ideas of what to watch when Kenny had suggested porn. Clyde had hesitated for a moment—" _you mean, like, watch porn_ together _? In the same room?"—_ but soon remembered that he was lonely and a little horny, so maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all. Thus began their Friday night porn dates, assuming that neither of them had a date, of course.

"Are you sure?" Kenny asked. "No offense, Clyde, but you can be kinda flighty and forgetful sometimes."

He removed his parka and tossed it over the arm of the couch.

"Nah, I know I can be dumb. Why else do you think I had to leave university?"

He grabbed two beers from the fridge and moved to sit on the couch.

"I'm just so hard up from being on a dry spell for the last few weeks that I'm pretty sure I'd be calling you immediately if I were to land a date."

He handed the second can to Kenny who flopped down beside him.

"I wouldn't blame you for that. I'd be proud for my boy getting that pussy."

Kenny laughed and cracked open his can, taking a long sip.

"So…what's on the marquee tonight at Casa de Donovan?"

Clyde leaned forward and grabbed the small stack of DVDs from the small table in front of them.

"Uhh…mostly compilations. I got 'Dripping Wet Coeds 6', 'Shove It In My Ass 12', and 'Make Me Your Fuck Slave 37'."

"That's a lot of people who want to be made fuck slaves," Kenny laughed. "I don't know about you, but my vote is for ass."

Clyde appeared to be thinking very hard about his choices. His brow was furrowed, his lips pursed.

"I'm kind of leaning toward wet coeds…" he said.

"Ass! Ass! Ass!" Kenny chanted in the hopes to sway his friend's decision. He pumped his fists in the air to accentuate each word.

"Alright, alright, you weirdo!" Clyde stood up and opened up the DVD case. "I'd rather have my own in-person dripping wet coed to play with anyway."

Once the DVD was in the player and loaded up, Clyde pressed play all and sat back down next to Kenny. He glanced to his right and saw that Kenny had already unzipped his fly. Clyde adjusted in his seat, unzipping his fly as well and pulling out his already hard cock.

The scene began. A busty brunette woman with a large round ass was swaying her hips back and forth to some stock porn music. A tall, tattooed man with six pack abs and an impossibly large dick walked on screen and began to make out with her. He pawed at her ass while the camera zoomed in. This went on for a few minutes. She then dropped to her knees to take him in her mouth. Clyde's breathing began to get heavier as he slowly stroked his hand up and down his own length, circling his thumb around the head. Kenny was fully hard by the time the actor scooped his partner up off the floor, placed her on the bed, and buried his face between her legs. For a few minutes, the sounds from the porn mixed with the heavy breathing and occasional grunts of the two masturbating viewers.

Kenny continued to stroke himself, his hand wrapped tightly around his cock, but he was having trouble staying hard. The couple in the scene had moved on from sucking dick and eating pussy, and now the woman was on the bed with her head down and her ass up. That was one of Kenny's favorite sights in the whole world, but the guy was fucking it all up. He had been fingering her asshole to get it relaxed for his massive dick, starting with one finger and now using two. That would be fine and all, but now the guy was trying to spread apart his fingers inside of her.

"Oh my fucking god…is he…? No way. He's fucking  _scissoring_  her? What the fuck…"

Clyde looked over at Kenny with a questioning look on his face. "Yeah? What about it? I think it's pretty hot."

"It's ridiculous is what it is!" Kenny groaned and shook his head. "That's…ugh…that's not how people have anal sex."

"She seems to be enjoying it though. Listen to her, dude!"

The actress was yelping and screaming ' _oh daddy yes!'_ while the actor continued to rhythmically spread his index and middle fingers inside of her.

"Nope. Big nope. That's all acting, dude. People don't moan like that." Kenny turned his head slightly and raised his eyebrow at Clyde. "Please tell me you know that."

"I…yeah, I knew that." Clyde's cheeks flushed in embarrassment and he returned to jerking off.

"Right. Anyway dude, the anus isn't, like, fucking malleable like clay or something. It's just a muscle. You can relax it and help it take bigger stuff, but it doesn't just  _stay_  open. Maybe after getting fucked with something thick for a long time, but not by this bullshit."

Clyde tried to ignore Kenny's verbal assessment of the actor's performance, but was finding it difficult to concentrate.

"This is so stupid," Kenny muttered

"Jesus fucking Christ, Ken!"

Clyde fully turned his body on the couch so that he was directly facing Kenny. Kenny's eyes were wide. He hadn't expected Clyde to explode like that.

"I'm trying to enjoy myself and get off! And I can't do that with you continuously mocking the goddamn porn!"

"Woah, Clyde, I didn't know you'd get this upset. I'm sorry, dude." Kenny paused for a moment. "I just take anal sex very seriously, that's all," he said under his breath.

"Really! Okay fine! If you're mister anal expert, then why don't you fucking show me how it's done, hmm?"

"You serious about that?" Kenny lowered his head and looked at Clyde through his lashes.

"Yeah! I am! If you take anal sex so fucking seriously, then go ahead and show me. Prove to me that the porn is full of lies!"

Kenny never noticed before how cute Clyde looked when he was angry. He tried to look intimidating, but really his angry face looked more like a pout.

"Gladly."

Kenny smirked as he grabbed the remote and turned off the television. He stood up off the couch, his half-erect cock hanging out from his pants, and headed toward Clyde's bedroom.

"You coming or what?" Kenny asked from the doorway.

Clyde stood up and stomped after Kenny. "Twenty bucks says that you're gonna end up scissoring me!"

Kenny shook his head. "That is not a bet you will win, as I have never,  _ever_ , done that to someone. Are you sure you don't want to take it back?"

"Fine then. Twenty bucks says that I'm not going to like it!"

"Fair enough. It's a deal."

Kenny began to rummage around in Clyde's bedside drawer.

"Do you have any condoms or lube around here?" he asked. "Never mind, found them."

Clyde kicked off his sneakers and pulled off his socks. Kenny studied his face and saw some lingering doubt."

"Clyde. Are you seriously okay with this? I mean…you're about to have anal sex with another man, so…"

"Don't worry, Kenny, I'm not going to scream 'no homo' at you. I realized I was bisexual when I was at CSU. I kinda developed a crush on my roommate, but he had a girlfriend and I had to withdraw after having a GPA that looked like a batting average, so nothing ever happened. I'm not really open about it yet, but…yeah. "

Kenny smiled at Clyde, glad that he felt like he could confide in him about something so personal.

"But even if I  _was_  straight, I'd still let you fuck my ass so I could win twenty dollars."

Kenny moved closer to Clyde. "You are so not winning this bet. I told you, I take anal sex very seriously."

Clyde closed the space between them. "And I told  _you_  to fucking _prove_ it."

Kenny grabbed at Clyde's t-shirt and pulled him into a kiss. He had thought that it would feel awkward, but it didn't at all. There was no hesitation from either of them. Clyde hadn't been lying about how hard up he was. He wrapped his arms around Kenny's neck and opened his mouth to trace his tongue along Kenny's lips. Kenny followed suit, opening up his mouth and tasting Clyde on his tongue. He was a bit surprised at how good of a kisser Clyde was. He had always imagined that he'd be the kind of guy who used too much tongue or maybe drooled a bit. Rather, it was the perfect amount of tongue, and Kenny didn't feel the need to pull away and wipe his mouth.

Kenny was so distracted by the feeling of Clyde's mouth on his that he didn't realize that Clyde had started to undo the buttons on his shirt. He'd only opened the bottom two, but it was enough for Clyde to slip his hands underneath the fabric. His fingertips felt rough against Kenny's stomach. Kenny would be lying if he said it didn't feel good. Slightly scratchy, but in a pleasant way. He let out a faint, unexpected moan into Clyde's mouth. Maybe he was just as hard up as Clyde.

Kenny realized that Clyde was taking control when it was supposed to be Kenny showing him the ropes. If things continued like this, it'd end up with Clyde being the one to take Kenny's ass, and that was  _not_  the plan. Clyde would probably try the scissoring thing just to prove a point.  _Dumbass._  Kenny brought a hand up against the back of Clyde's head and raked his nails through his hair. His hair was too short to get a nice handful and give it a tug, but Clyde responded to the scratching just as well. He broke away from the kiss and tilted his head back into Kenny's hand. Kenny took the opportunity to place kisses against Clyde's jaw and neck. He could feel the start of incoming stubble against his lips. It had been a while since Kenny had been with a man who wasn't freshly waxed, and the thought excited him. Sure, he loved a perfectly smooth body, but there was something strangely intoxicating about a man with some hair on him. It just felt  _manly_ , and right now it was a huge turn on.

Kenny felt his dick throbbing and badly wanted some relief. He pushed his hips forward, his erection rubbing against Clyde's. Clyde whimpered and bucked his hips back against Kenny.

"Hey," Kenny said.

Clyde slowly opened his eyes, his breathing already heavy.

"Yeah? Oh god, please don't tell me you're having second thoughts about this," he whined.

"No, no. I was going to say let's get these pants off. They're just getting in the way," Kenny said.

"Fuck yes," Clyde agreed.

They pulled apart for a moment, choosing to remove their own pants because it was quicker. Perhaps if things had moved a bit slower and the smell of desire in the room wasn't so strong, they'd have slowly removed each other's clothing as part of foreplay. Kenny decided to finish unbuttoning his shirt and remove it as well. Clyde took note and pulled his tee up over his head. It fell onto the floor on top of his jeans and boxer briefs. When Kenny turned around, his cock twitched at the sight of Clyde. His legs looked strong and had the perfect amount of hair. He had a patch on his chest and a dark happy trail that he had a strong urge to trace with his tongue. He finally noticed that Clyde was staring at him as well.

"Like what you see?" he grinned confidently.

Clyde seemed speechless. All he managed to do was nod vigorously.

"Turn around, man. Show me what you're working with."

Clyde slowly turned around in place. Kenny bit his lip when he saw how thick, muscular, and round Clyde's ass was. The man should have a pair of sweatpants that say  _Juicy_  on the back because his was the kind of ass that was made for.

"Is something wrong?" Clyde asked.

"Fuck no. You'd better climb onto your bed right now and lie on your back because I'm gonna show you and your plump ass how to properly get fingered and fucked."

Clyde scrambled onto the bed, tossing his mess of blankets onto the floor.

"I honestly don't even give a shit about the twenty dollars anymore. I'm just fucking excited to be getting laid."

He lied down as he'd been told. His thick cock rested against his thigh. There was a small bead of precum that sat on the tip. Kenny licked his bottom lip and swallowed hard. He wanted to taste it so badly.

"I can see that," said Kenny.

He gave in to his temptation and crawled in between Clyde's legs. He lowered his head down to Clyde's thigh and sucked his dick into his mouth with no warning. Clyde let out a gasp, which quickly dissolved into a moan. His muscles tightened and his hips bucked at the sudden warmth and tightness of Kenny's mouth. Kenny wrapped his hand around the base to steady it, pushing his mouth down as far as he could. He moved his hips slightly, rubbing his own cock against the bedsheets. Kenny moaned around Clyde's cock. He loved the feeling of his mouth being full, and he could only imagine how good it would feel inside of his ass, but that would have to be for another day, if he could convince Clyde.

He slowly pulled his mouth off of Clyde's dick. It fell back against Clyde's thigh, wet, and becoming cold now that it was exposed to the room air. Kenny reached for the lube he had picked up earlier and moved up on the bed so that he was positioned over Clyde. He opened the bottle and poured some lube onto his fingers, rubbing the fingers together to get them fully coated.

"You ready to be proven wrong?" Kenny asked, a smirk across his face.

" _Fuck yes_. Now hurry up and show me how stupid I am for believing porn.  _Please_."

Kenny rubbed his slick fingers against Clyde's asshole, dipping down to kiss him when he felt it clench at his touch. He moved the tips of his fingers in slow circles, gently coaxing the muscle to relax.

"Focus on me up here," Kenny muttered against Clyde's lips.

Clyde placed his hands on Kenny's sides, feeling his skin underneath his fingertips. He bent his legs at the knee and spread them wider so that Kenny had easier access. Kenny pushed his index finger inside, up to his first knuckle. He continued to kiss Clyde, sensing for any changes in his body language. Clyde remained calm, too busy being tangled in Kenny's tongue and now digging his nails into Kenny's back. Kenny slid the rest of his finger inside, slowly pulled it out, then thrust it back inside. Clyde let out a small moan at the thrust.

"That. That was good," he mumbled.

Kenny obliged, fucking Clyde's ass with his finger and gradually picking up speed. He pulled out the one finger and replaced it with two. Clyde didn't object to the new addition. In fact, he seemed to enjoy it, pressing his hips down into Kenny's hand.

"I told you I knew what I was talking about," Kenny grinned.

Clyde splayed out on the bed underneath him was a beautiful site. His head was turned to the side and his eyes were squeezed tight. His chest heaved up and down as he explored these new sensations. Kenny had been thinking he'd hold him to the bet since he could always use the money, but in this moment, it was the furthest thing from his mind.

Kenny jolted when he felt Clyde's hand wrap around his hanging dick. Clyde's deep brown eyes were wide open and looking at Kenny.

"Want. I want you," he whined.

Kenny was taken aback.

Seriously. How did they even get into this situation? All he had wanted to do tonight was hang out with his friend and jerk off to porn together.

 _That_.

That wasn't normal. That was not really something friends tend to do with each other. It was probably only a matter of time before Kenny and Clyde found themselves in bed together. When Kenny had first suggested watching porn together, had he subconsciously wanted something like this to happen? He wasn't sure about all that, but hearing Clyde say that he wanted him…that made every carnal fiber in his body come alive.

"I want you to shove it in my ass and make me your fuck slave."

Clyde's words brought Kenny back to the present. Clyde's lips were pursed together. He was trying so hard to hold back his laughter. Kenny burst out laughing at his goofy friend, letting him know it was okay to laugh, too.

"Oh, I'm gonna make you my fuck slave, alright," Kenny laughed, pulling his fingers out of Clyde's ass. "Flip over. I want you to tuck your knees under your body and rest your head on the mattress. Just like the weird screaming chick in the video."

Clyde did as he was told. He felt vulnerable with his ass in the air, but his lust was greater than his insecurities. He gripped at his bedsheets when he felt Kenny's hands grab onto his ass and spread him open. He felt the latex covered head of his cock rub against his relaxed hole. Clyde pushed his ass back.

"Fucking eager," Kenny growled.

Kenny pushed inside, moving slowly until he was balls deep. He was pleasantly surprised at how well Clyde was taking it. Kenny wasn't nearly as thick as Clyde, but he was certainly wider than his two slender fingers. He grabbed two big handfuls of ass and pulled out before thrusting back once more. Clyde felt so good. Warm, tight, soft. He began to thrust, slow but deep, to work Clyde up to a harder fucking. Clyde's moans into his mattress were the answer to the question Kenny didn't need to ask aloud. He sped up his thrusts to the point where he could hear the sound his hips slapping against Clyde's ass. The muffled moans became louder and more guttural.

Kenny felt that he was getting close, but he still wanted to fuck Clyde  _really_  hard. He also didn't want to finish without Clyde getting some relief. From Kenny's experience, the orgasms he had when he was getting fucked in the ass were the best. He wanted to share that feeling.

"Stroke your dick," Kenny instructed.

"Hrrm?" Clyde grunted, turning his head to the side.

"Take your dick in your hand and stroke it. I'm gonna start to really  _fuck_  you. You'll want to cum during that. Trust me."

Clyde did as he was told, although he was in a bit of a daze from the new pleasurable sensations.

Once Kenny was certain that Clyde had a good grip and rhythm going, he dug his fingers into his ass and squeezed hard. He pulled Clyde's hips back as he thrust in, hard and fast. He knew he was hitting the right spot when Clyde started whimpering. Kenny wasn't certain, but it almost sounded like Clyde was beginning to sob.

Kenny felt Clyde's body tense up and begin to shake as he came into his hand. He cried out some incoherent noises and his free hand gripped at the sheet. The extra squeeze on Kenny's cock brought him over the edge as he snapped his hips forward one finally time, holding Clyde's ass close against his body as he spilled into the condom.

"Fucking shit!" he moaned.

Once his breathing steadied, Kenny began to gently rub his hands up and down Clyde's back.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Kenny slowly pulled out and slid off the used condom. He dropped it to the floor to be dealt with later. Kenny helped Clyde roll over onto his side. Kenny lied down next to him, face to face.

"Talk to me, Clyde. How are you doing?"

Clyde took a few deep breaths and placed his hand on Kenny's cheek.

"You…you're like the best friend ever," he said.

Kenny laughed. "So I guess that means you're alright then? I didn't go too hard on you? That  _was_  kind of a lot for your first time."

"Dude.  _Dude_. I've never cum so hard in my entire life."

"I told ya." Kenny smiled at Clyde's look of satisfaction.

"Clearly I should listen to you more. And I should stop assuming that what I see in porn is real."

"Porn lies, man. Lies right to our faces. And our dicks," said Kenny.

"Do you…would you want to, like…stay over tonight?"

"Is that your way of saying you want a round two?" Kenny smirked.

Clyde nodded sleepily. "Yeah. How can I be your fuck slave if I only get fucked once?"

The two men laughed together as they lied in bed.

"Thank you, Kenny," Clyde mumbled as he drifted off to sleep.

Kenny answered with a small kiss on the forehead. "You're welcome, Clyde."


End file.
